ahhhhhh super excited!!!

so i finally told my mom. and she wasnt super mad. and we are hoping to be moved in there by the first of the year. so thats exciting. im just worried bout the rest of my family and his family. i know his cousins are going to be mad and im sure his brother will be too. even tho he kinda sorta already knows haha. but he dont know for sure. so idk. and his mom is going to be the worst. she is already awful and she dont know so its just going to get worse. and joehas low hopes for her baing in the babys life. thankfully. i told him that im not gonna ask him not to talk to her cuz i dont want him to stop me from my family. so i cant ask him but i did tell him the frost thing she says or does to my kid that is not cool the my kid will not see  her. and he said he dont see her being in our lives. he said he is going to try to be civil with her but he sees him self giving up cuz she is so awful. and we taked bout the baby all night. we both feel much better after telling my mom. my fam is gonna be bad too. im super worried that they are gonna say something and set joe off. but anyways super excited. yay.

seriously????

i am so irritated right now. someone just texted me and asked when joes birthday is. are you kidding me? you forgot my birthday and now joes to? you are supposed to be my best friend. what in the world. you have talked to me lik 2 times in the past 4 months. and broke promises to come home and visit. and now you are home and all the sudden since you came home for break you wanna hang out all the time? now that your boyfriend is not sround you. gah1 i just dont know what the eff. she irritates me sometimes.

super excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so i found out i was preg a while ago. i am so happy. i cant wait for them to be here. i am hoping for a boy but a girl would be fun too. all my and his famly has is mostly girls so if she is a girl she will have lots of girls to hang with. that would be fun. i am just so worried bout telling my family. and his. i dont think it will go over too well. and i dont want to disappoint them... and im worried joe is so stressed out. and i dont like that. he is worried bout being tha bad dad and it worries me. i know he will be. he loves kids and is so good with them but he is worried. and i feel bad.  i dont want him to worry. but so we are super excited. u

:/

its not like i have a bad life. i have an amazing fiancee and i live with him. its just im about to be 19 in 3 weeks. and i have nothing to do. all my friends have school  or work or a baby. and i have nothing. it just makes me sad. and im always in a bad mood. and i keep taking it out on joe and thats not fair to him. i feel bad for him. cuz he works so hard at work and is doing alot at school while im just sitting here doing nothing. i cant wait to ge a car so i can look for a job or go meet joe for lunch or something. idk.

so....

i was super excited to graduate but now that it happened i kinda dont want to be. i just feel like nothing is going on in my life. its just so sad. i want to do something. i kinda feel embarassed when i see people from high school working or out or something. im afraid they are going to talk to me and ask whats going on. then i would be like,"oh i sit at home all day while joe is working or going to school with his mom and when she is working i just watch some stupid teenie bopper shows". like i just feel super embarassed. i literally have nothing going on. i feel left out from the world. i just dont know what to do. i dont have a car to get a job and i dont want to go to college. there is nothing for me to do. i think that is why i am starting the couponing thing. i feel like i am such a loser. i need something to do. this is just not cool. it is sorta upsetting. everyone is moving on with their lives at a super fast pace. speeding past me. im just stopped. and i dont know what to do. or make myself feel different. i dont do anything productive at all. its like my life is pointless right now. i just need something to do......