Aubrey has a new friend!

Britt you can't say anything to anyone if you read this. So last Sunday  I took Aubrey to "the beach" Carter's lake. It was so fun! She loved it. :) she will probably be a water baby too. :) it's going to be awesome. She loves my friend Leigh's husband. It was so cute. He was the only person she would go to other than me. Lol I'm going to have trouble with her. She likes older boys. She just splashed and had a ball. We had her "swim" to each of us. It was cute. Brantlee didn't come he was in a bad mood but it was misty Leigha and josh (leigha's husband) it was super fun I got to swim around a bit while josh held Aubrey. I tried to swim to the barrier with her but its hard to swim where you can't reach with a baby lol.

Leigha's son, brantlee, was being so sweet to her and she was so mean to him on Saturday when we went over there. He was trying to hug on her and kiss her and he would just shove him away. I felt so bad for him. It was pitiful. He was trying so hard. :/ but it's pretty cool having a mommy friend with a baby her age. My 3 friends are cool and all but it's different with someone who has a baby her age. It's good for her too. She can grow up with a friend like me and misty
Sort of lol we were a little older and lost touch For a few years but its co to be able to say I have been her friend since I was 5. Lol

Aubrey is super jealous of madelyne though. It's bad. She hit her in the face and took her passie. I'm going to have issues with that. Anytime madelyne comes near me Aubrey is in my lap lol. That's one reason I can't have anymore kids lol another is the whole not having sex thing lol the other is its a mess. Lol the other day I was hding madelyne and Aubrey was hungry so I went to make her some chicken nuggets one handed because I still had madelyne because If I sa her down Aubrey would abuse her. Well I got it in the microwave and I went back to the living room and Aubrey had gotten into madelyne formula... She had it everywhere!! It was a mess. Lol

 So joe... What can I say about that. I think he realized that I'm not taking him back. It was hard to do but I had to for Aubrey. Joe and I were pretty toxic and that's not good for her to be around. I need to show her that she needs to be treated like a queen. He didn't do that. I just wish he was being nicer. Everything I do is wrong and it's driving me crazy. Although I am excited to find out e can't take her from me because he left me I automatically get custody I was super worried that he would just take off with her and I couldn't do anything. :)  now my family is being all crazy. Uncle John heard that he was yelling at me and threatened me(which he did but that's not the point) and so he called him and went off which just makes joe mad at me so it wasn't helpful. John also found out he was seen with the girl he cheated on me with the day he left me and that didn't help things. It's just annoying. I know John is just doing the thing he should I mean e is my uncle john and would do anything for me and just wants to protect me but ugh it's stressful. So joe comes and gets her once a week right now and that's good because im so not ready for her to be gone all night yet. It makes me want to cry thinking about it. But I know she needs her daddy. We got into it Sunday because he was bitching that i didn't have a job yet and stuff and I told him that he needed to help me more that I shouldn't have to ask him to but her diapers and wipes he should just know that she needs them. Even after I told him 2 times she was running low and he "didn't hear me" whatever I know you did douche. He could have even asked if she did I mean he has been gone at least a month and he has bought one thing of wipes after I asked him to get that because she was out and I didn't have any money. I feel like I shouldn't have to ask him. He says I should because he isn't there all the time. Well maybe you should see her more than once a fucking week! It just irritates me that he only sees her that little and he is so douchey to me when he does like he just shows up to get her and don't give me a time or anything and I'm trying to be nice because I don't want him to fight for custody. I just want to do the joint thing because its best for her as much as it kills me.

Drama

So Aubrey is a creep. Lol we have decided. Misty and I went on a road trip yesterday to Kentucky. Just because we like to just drive. Aubrey was acting crazy she would just creepily stare at us it was just crazy. Haha we had so much fun. I like to just drive. Well on the way back it got crazy! I posed a picture of the sign on Instagram. Joe saw it on Facebook and I didn't tell him. So he called me going crazy! I know I was in the wrong because I was I should have I just didn't think about it. I didn't think it was that big of a deal we were just driving and ended up there. I should have told him because Aubrey was with us. He just took it wayy to far. I said sorry because I was wrong and he just kept yelling at me and calling me names. I did not deserve that. Then he starts flipping because I never let him see her well I want him to he is the crazy person. He said he was supposed to see her yesterday but because I was helping misty move he wasn't going to ask because I was busy. I was 2 feet down the road. I would have came back. I want him to spend more time with Aubrey. She needs him. Then he starts saying he is hearing stuff about me through the grape vine and he just needs proof then he is going to just sit back and laugh. What the hell is he going to do. He hear I stay home all day and take care of Aubrey? Man what a terrible person. He is just starting stuff because I said I heard he was smoking stuff that he shouldn't. Well I'm sure that one is true. He is just trying to he me worked up and it's fucking working. Ugh I'm so pissed.

So frustrated!!

Oh my goodness. I am so frustrated. We have been cleaning the house super clean all week and my sister Roni and her children (3 girls 6,6,7) stay the night 2 nights and then leave and the house is a wreck! Seriously! Why would you just let your kids mess a house up and not care! And they play with Aubrey's toys that were organized everywhere and lose pieces and I an super OCD about losing her toys and keeping them together and it drives me crazy when pieces are not there. Ugh So I had to spend all day cleaning a house for Roni baby shower that should have been clean if it wasn't for her and her kids. And they threw stuff away and when the trash got full did they take it out? Noo they got a new trash bag and put it in the floor. Wtf seriously.

Aubrey my big girl

So I just cannot believe how big Aubrey is. She is almost 14 months and I just don't know where the hell time went! 

They are just 2 completely different babies! Well she isn't so much a baby anymore. And in like a week and a half she will not be the baby of the family anymore. :( but I just cannot believe how much she learned in the past year. She is such a beast. She is getting so good at walking and she sat through the fireworks and didn't cry. She slept through the fire works last year. And she is playing with her cousins and just doesn't need me like she used to. I just can't believe how big she is. She is just not a baby anymore. She eats regular food. She has a big girl carseat now. I cried when we got it. Lol. She is just so different now. She is such a flirt already has had 2 boyfriends my goodness. It just makes me sad. 

A week old

13 months

Watching the fireworks like a beast. :)

20 and divorced

So my husband just left me and now I have no idea what to do. I'm a stay at home mom and now I don't have my husband to support us. I don't have a job and I haven't had one since I was 17. Everyone wants people with experience to hire them and I have none. I can't make minimum wage because I have to support Aubrey and I. I am just so stressed and upset about having to leave Aubrey. I ball my eyes out every time I think about it. I'm more hurt that I have to leave Aubrey than joe leaving me. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I hate talking to people about my problems I never have been the type of person to do that. So I'm trying to work this all out on my own. It's so hard and I'm trying to make everything look normal so my family doesn't know which they do since he doesn't come home at night because I don't want to tell them until he gets all his stuff out of here. Ugh. This is not how it was supposed to be! If he was seriously still mad about the stuff I did over 2 years ago he shouldn't have married me and had a baby with me. God! I just wish he decided this sooner. Don't get me wrong I love Aubrey more than anything in this world but why would he have her and still be not happy with me. How could I not make him happy!!! I did everything for him. I just don't know what to do anymore. My self esteem is at an all time low and I just don't know what to do. Now I am a single mom with no job and no way to support my daughter and when I get a job I'm not going to have money for a baby sitter. I really hope my soon to be ex sister in law is still going to be nice to me. I don't need to lose any friends right now. And I still have people asking me for advice how can I do that when my life is falling apart. I still do though because I'm nice and I like to help. I just don't want her to end up like me. 20 and divorced. She is with a dead beat that she is preg by and I don't want her to follow after me. Don't be in a relationship you know if over. I have known for a while it was over just neither of us could accept it. Sometimes love just isn't enough.