:/

its not like i have a bad life. i have an amazing fiancee and i live with him. its just im about to be 19 in 3 weeks. and i have nothing to do. all my friends have school  or work or a baby. and i have nothing. it just makes me sad. and im always in a bad mood. and i keep taking it out on joe and thats not fair to him. i feel bad for him. cuz he works so hard at work and is doing alot at school while im just sitting here doing nothing. i cant wait to ge a car so i can look for a job or go meet joe for lunch or something. idk.

so....

i was super excited to graduate but now that it happened i kinda dont want to be. i just feel like nothing is going on in my life. its just so sad. i want to do something. i kinda feel embarassed when i see people from high school working or out or something. im afraid they are going to talk to me and ask whats going on. then i would be like,"oh i sit at home all day while joe is working or going to school with his mom and when she is working i just watch some stupid teenie bopper shows". like i just feel super embarassed. i literally have nothing going on. i feel left out from the world. i just dont know what to do. i dont have a car to get a job and i dont want to go to college. there is nothing for me to do. i think that is why i am starting the couponing thing. i feel like i am such a loser. i need something to do. this is just not cool. it is sorta upsetting. everyone is moving on with their lives at a super fast pace. speeding past me. im just stopped. and i dont know what to do. or make myself feel different. i dont do anything productive at all. its like my life is pointless right now. i just need something to do......